Day 5: Just when you don't think you can sweat anymore...

After four days it seems like you can't possibly have any water left in you to sweat out, right? WRONG. I think I was more sweaty today than I was in any of the previous four days. You'd also think you'd be ready to give up, but I totally wasn't. I almost sat out of the second set of triangle, probably mostly out of habit, but then the instructor announced that today is the birthday of one of the regular practitioners, so I knew I couldn't. The studio I practice at here has a tradition of singing a full verse of happy birthday on anyone's birthday during each side of the second set of triangle, so I knew I had to do it. Once I got through that the rest of the class breezed on by.

Still waiting for the final word, but it looks like my little buddy will get to go home today! That means that I don't have to practice tomorrow, but it almost feels weird that I won't be. Maybe a break would be good for the weekend though. I'll be visiting with family next week, and while there isn't a bikram studio in that town, there are two moksha studios, so you know I'll still be getting my sweat on! Or I could practice at home, with the cds... what, you don't own the bikram cds? It's worth the 20$ for the bikramisms alone ("This is not a cheesecake factory!" is probably my favorite).

*I put an asterisk in my post yesterday when I was talking about the instructors practicing while pregnant, which I meant to follow up on at the end of the post but got too excited about the Macklemore & Ryan Lewis video to remember to actually do so. All I really wanted to say is: a) it's super cool to see them practice, and b) if you are pregnant or considering getting pregnant and you do bikram, make sure you talk to your instructors/studio owners/doctors. There is a modified series (aka no lying on the belly, etc). If you are but have never done bikram, you might want to wait to start. The heat + some of the postures could be dangerous, especially for someone inexperienced. I don't know if I would do it if I got pregnant and I've been practicing for 6 years, but there is no set rule, it just depends on each person.

Day 4: Moving forward, always forward

Today was definitely not as hard as yesterday. The funny thing about this yoga is that the more you do it, the better/easier it gets. You think, after two or three days in a row, that you'll just keep getting more tired if you go one more day. But then you do go on the fourth morning, and it's not that bad. In fact, it's probably better than it was yesterday.

In spite of my weirdness after camel yesterday, I pushed through. The instructor that I talked to yesterday was practicing beside me and is 5 months pregnant.* The instructor today just had a baby two months ago and practiced until her doctor said she should stop. If they can do it, I wasn't about to sit it out! So I did camel and all was well. In fact, it was much better than yesterday's!

After practice, the first song that came on the radio was one of my favorites, from my new favorite artists, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (yes, they actually do get much deeper than singing about thrift shopping). This song speaks to me so deeply that I can't watch the video without crying. I can barely even listen to the song without getting emotional. But I belted it out in my car today. It perfectly encapsulates how I feel about human rights ("no freedom til we're equal, damn straight I support it") and just about life in general.



Keep pressing play, keep moving forward.

Day 3: Recovery

I decided to go to the noon yoga class, as opposed to 9am, today, to give my body a few extra hours to recover after the shock of two days in a row for the first time in a long time. It also gave me more time to rehydrate. From all accounts, my little buddy is also recovering, and doing a very good job at it. We are all so proud of you, little man!

I took it easier today, backing off when it felt like the right thing to do, sitting out a posture when absolutely necessary. I had a strange experience after the second set of camel, in that when I came out of it, the left side of my jaw felt tingly and numb, and then a slight twinge of pain. I took it easier after that, and made sure that I could keep smiling at myself normally in the mirror, which probably made me look like anything but normal to the rest of the people around me! (I know I'm *probably* too young to have a stroke, but many of us in the knitting world have read the brilliant words of Kate Davies and know it is not *impossible*.) It's gone now and I spoke with the instructor after class who said that as long as it goes away, it is probably fine. I've pushed myself this week and I may have tweaked a nerve or pulled a muscle that is reacting funny.

Still, I'll be there tomorrow, and Friday, and Saturday too, if necessary... fingers crossed that our little friend gets to go home Friday, not because I wouldn't go (or wouldn't want to go) on Saturday, but because it will mean that he gets to go home!!

Positive, healing energy request: Day 2

Today was far more challenging, physically, than yesterday. Even before I hit the hot room, I knew it would be. In spite of everything feeling easy yesterday (aside from the emotional messes), the muscles in my back and legs told me otherwise this morning. It was harder to get out of bed than usual. But (for once) it didn't even cross my mind to skip today.

So at 8am, as my little buddy got wheeled into the operating room, I suited up and got in my car to drive across town to the yoga studio. By 8:40, I was on the mat, stretching, trying to meditate, but restless to get going. At 9, practice started. I'm sure that little buddy was already well into surgery by that point, but I don't have any updates yet, so I can't be sure.

Like I said, physically, today was a lot harder than yesterday. It's the first time I've done two days of practice in a row in a long time. But as tired as I was, as much as my muscles protested (in a good way—I've torn a muscle while running before, so I would be the first to back off if I thought it was getting to be too much), I kept going. And I did some of the best postures I've ever done. I finally got down into toe stand (on the right side, anyway) and my triangle (which is usually SO. HARD. for me) was so good that the instructor noticed and called it out... which, of course, prompted me to fall out of it, immediately!

My little buddy is losing a part of himself today... a small part, and a part that is not necessary, and could, in fact, impede his development. Once he heals, he will grow into the smart, strong, handsome person we all know he's going to be. It's a good metaphor for life, actually. We often need to lose a part of ourselves in order to grow. We know, usually long before we act, that we need to quit that job, or break up with that boyfriend, or cut ties with a friend who is holding us back or even hurting us... and yet it is hard to let it go. But once we do, we can truly grow into our fully realized selves.

Those of us who practice yoga, especially those of us who have done it for a long time, know that one of the not-so-little things that we have to lose when we walk into the studio is our egos. Our egos can boost us up... but they can also hold us back. That's why, when the instructor told me how good my triangle looked, I fell out. Sometimes I want to be noticed so bad, I want people to see how hard I'm working, but when she said "great triangle!" to me today, it was like it was a signal to my ego that I had succeeded and could then give up. But that's not how it works. Not in yoga or in life. When our bosses or teachers tell us "good job!", it doesn't mean that we can quit and never return. We can't even go home for the rest of the day! We have to keep working, even harder, towards the next goal. So even though today was hard, it doesn't mean that I can give up. Tomorrow I'll go back and work harder, just like I know that tomorrow my little friend will be working hard on his recovery.

The instructor also reminded us today of the story of Daniel, a bikram student who is also in a wheelchair. I'd seen his video before, and it is a very powerful reminder of how much we can do when we put our minds to it. Unfortunately I can't seem to find the video anywhere, but if anyone knows what I'm talking about, please link to it in the comments and I will edit the post to include it!

a good vibes/prayer/dedicated practice/healing energy/whatever request

I know it's been a very, very long time since I've posted, but this is too important for excuses/explanations/apologies. Perhaps another day I'll explain my long, unexcused (and possibly inexcusable?) absence from this blog.

A very dear friend of mine, along with her husband (who I am lucky enough to also call friend), and their very young son (who is probably too young to understand the abstract concept of friendship, but smiles at me whenever I enter the room regardless), are going on a very scary journey. I won't bog this down with the details, which are not mine to tell anyway, but they are both strong people and excellent parents, and I know that they will come out of this on top. That doesn't, however, make the long road ahead of them any easier.

I went into my practice this morning with them on my mind, as they set out on the road to a specialized children's hospital that can help them with their particular issue. It was an extremely emotionally charged practice for me, as I could not separate mind from body and could not stop thinking about them and all they are going through. Within the first five minutes, I had decided that I would dedicate whatever yoga practice I did this week to them, hoping that the positive, healing energy I received I could put back out into the universe to help them on this journey. Within 10, I had vowed to practice every day until they get to take their little boy home again. (As of right now, the doctors are predicting that he should be stable enough to return home on Friday or Saturday. Fingers crossed!)

I was on the verge of tears for most of the class... it was possible the most challenging class I've ever had emotionally. And yet, something else, more interesting, happened. The more energy and healing I felt from the yoga, the more I tried to push it out there for them to pick up on. And the easier my practice became. Poses that are normally physically (hello, triangle!) or mentally (I'm looking at you, camel) challenging to me felt easy, and good. The harder I worked for them, the more benefits I seemed to get back in my practice.

So this week (and beyond, if necessary) I will be in the hot room, practicing in solidarity with my friends and their little boy, every day. You may not know them, and this post might be cryptic at best as to their circumstances, but I would ask that you take a part of your daily ritual to communicate with the universe on their behalf. I don't care if you prefer yoga, prayer, meditation, silence, or healing rituals to do so, just please, put a little thought out there for them and I am sure that it will come back to you ten-fold, like it did for me.

Thank you/Namaste!

double the fun!

I did my third "double" today and it was the best one yet! The first two I always felt awful in the 2nd class and mostly just sat or lay there. This time there was almost nothing that I sat out of in the 2nd class and even though I was tired, I really don't feel any worse than I do on a normal day. My stomach hurt a little afterwards, but I think it's because I forgot to bring food for between classes. My friends were kind enough to share, but I probably should have eaten a little more.

Anyway, I figure if Elaine can do it, I should be able to do a double, once in a while, at least!

this yoga won't just change your body...

I've heard instructors say, time and again, that this yoga is not just changing your body. Stick with it and it'll change your mind, and your life. These sorts of over-arching, non-specific statements sound good... but I would often lie there and wonder just how true they really are.

Perhaps it's the navel-gazing aspect of blogging about your hobbies (I'm also a knitter, in case you didn't know) or maybe it's the fact that I've been going more often to yoga (4-5 times a week) in the last few months and am more aware of it's role in my life, but in any case, I realized yesterday just how much of an effect it is having on me.

This might seem trivial, and it is, but it's a great example of positive yoga juju: Yesterday I was supposed to have an appointment for a mani/pedi. I had bought a groupon to this place and called ahead to schedule. I went about my day: we had friends visiting who had to be dropped off at the airport for a noon flight, so we brunched, then I dropped them off, and headed to yoga. After I got out of yoga, I listened to a voicemail, asking if I could post-pone my appt by an hour. No prob. It would afford me the time to run home and grab some lunch first... the only issue is that I would only have an hour's worth of time to devote to the salon before I would have to go get DH from work.

When I got to the salon an hour later, it was clear that the groupon had been a little more overwhelming than they expected. The girls who were supposed to be done before my original appointment were still there, getting their manicures. I got set up for the pedicure, which was good, but took longer than expected... I had been there for more than 45 mins before it was finished. And the girls who were getting manicures were still there.

The owner came up to me, very apologetically, and asked if I could possibly come back another day. I said no problem, so we set an appointment up for next week. As I was walking out, the owner thanked me again for being so understanding and mentioned that most people would have thrown a fit. I told her I figured that it wasn't worth being angry over. As I got in my car and drove off, I realized that at various points in my life I probably would have gotten angry, at least in my own head, over something so trivial. Maybe I'm maturing, but maybe it's also the calming influence of having a regular yoga practice. Either way, I'm sure the yoga isn't hurting!

Little by little

So lately I've noticed some small, but definite changes to my practice. For a while my left hamstring was hurting more and more, especially when in triangle or other poses that really stretched it out. Now it seems to be getting better, and I can really get almost low enough into triangle on both sides to have that perfect upside-down letter "L" shape.

The last few days I've also been able to get into the full expression of fixed firm. And for both sets! I used to think it was lucky or a good day if I could get most of the way down into the second set.

And finally, and this is perhaps the smallest of changes, but significant to me... I can grab both feet in floor bow without struggling. For the longest time I had to grab for one foot and then twist quite a ways over to grab the other... and I'd still grab it with my palm over the bottom of the foot and then flip my hand over. It meant that I was pretty much tired and out of breath before the posture had even started.

I think that's all the changes I've noticed in the last couple of weeks... I'll update if/when I notice anything else!

Do the clothes make the practice?

While I posted in my open letter about the dangers of over-dressing for bikram (seriously, sweatpants in the hot room might kill you), I've also noticed over the past few weeks that the outfit I wear can potentially make or break my class. Most of my tops are of the racer-back variety, and while they're mostly from the same company (and all the same size) there is one in particular that seems to be cut a little different around the neck, and it feels like it's choking me around the sides and back of my neck. Every time I wear this top I want to run screaming from the room after about 25 mins. And it just gets worse as time goes on. It makes me feel claustrophobic, like the room is hotter and smaller than normal.

I mentioned it yesterday after class and I was surprised to hear that other people had similar experiences and it had taken them time to find the right yoga gear for them. Someone suggested a bandeau top (like a tube top, but not covering the stomach) but I think I'd be extra self-conscious, worrying that things might fall apart in the middle of standing-bow or any other posture, really. I need something that will give me support and enough coverage to not feel self-conscious, without feeling like I'm choking. I'm not a big brand person, I know some people loooooove certain brands, but really comfort and affordability are my biggest concerns.

Any suggestions would be very welcome!

Patience

This morning there were 2 new students in class and the instructor asked them towards the end of the class what they thought. The first girl said it was even more than she had expected, while the second new student, a middle aged gentleman, was asked if he had any "words of wisdom from a beginner"... and he said "patience".

The first few weeks that I started practicing 4-5 times, I saw a lot of changes, quickly. But, as always, life gets in the way, and I traveled a few times over holidays and lost out on a couple of full weeks. I always find things to be harder to get back into when I've been away for long stretches of time, be it yoga or writing or knitting or whatever. So the changes have slowed, but they're still there, if I look for them. Some things hurt more now, like my hamstrings, but I'm told that that's a good sign... but not to push it too much.

The best results, even in yoga, come to those who wait. And practice. And listen to their bodies. So that's what I'll do! Namaste.

Double Trouble

I completed my 2nd double yesterday and boy am I tired! The thing about doubles is that it isn't like doing 2 regular yoga classes (at least, not for me). The first class I sort of took it easy, not really pushing myself to my limits because I kept thinking "I'll be doing this again in 2 hours, I can push it then". Except that I can't. Because by 2 hours later I'm exhausted. I mean, like, really, seriously, dead tired. I did a lot (comparatively speaking) in the 2nd class, but it was tough. It was better when I tried not to think about it, because when I thought about it it went something like this: "omg, why am I doing this again? am I INSANE?" and then I'd collapse onto the floor. (OK, not like, pass-out collapse, but sink very heavily down on to my mat.)

Fortunately I had some great partners-in-crime. There's a group of 3 or 4 people at my studio who do doubles at least once a month together. They were supportive and smiling and trying the whole time. Every time I'd just want to lie there in regret, the woman beside me would smile and poke my arm and I'd get back into posture.

Say what you will about bikram, I know it's not for everyone. (And although I was a little harsh on new students the last time, you can read a teacher's open letter to new students to get the kinder, gentler version of why it is the way it is.) But the people are amazing and it is the one place that I feel like I've been accepted into a community here in my new town. I thought the same thing about my previous bikram studio... I've never met a group of people more accepting or open to newbies. And that's a hard thing to find in yoga studios, having tried more than a few in my life. I often felt like the instructors and regulars are judging me, and keeping their distance, as if they were yogic-demi-gods who the rest of us newbs should worship. Not at any bikram studio I've ever attended. Surprisingly enough, it's not about ego, it's about doing your best and appreciating the energy of the people around you.

The doubles are hard, but extra rewarding, especially when you're surrounded by friends! Looking forward to the next one... but not too soon...

An open letter to the newly converted

Dear New Yogi,

First off, welcome! This is the month of resolve, where many people try out new things in the hopes that they can change themselves and their lives for the better. You chose yoga, and if you stick with it, you can bet that you will see your body and your outlook on life change in ways you never imagined. So please, don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way... my council herein is designed to help you have a better practice, all while managing to keep the other practitioners from feeling murderous rage towards to. If you keep these few simple things in mind, I'm sure you, and all the other yogis around you, will enjoy your practice for years to come.

1. There is no talking in the yoga room. I almost typed that in caps because really, I can not emphasize it enough. Yoga is about meditation and most people don't want to hear about your weekend during their meditation time. This goes for before, during, and after class.

2. Please close the door behind you when you go in and out of class. This not only relates to #1—the space outside the yoga room tends to be louder, especially when reception areas are not far from the yoga space, but if you practice a hot yoga (like Bikram) the room is specially regulated to the right temperature and humidity and leaving the door open, even for the couple of minutes that it takes to put down your mat, etc, will mess with the system. Not to mention annoy your fellow yogis who are trying to warm-up/cool down.

3. Yoga is not a group activity. Again, see #1. I get that it might take some nerve to come to your first class (believe me, I know... it takes some nerve to try out a new studio, even if you've been practicing a long time, too) and having some of your friends/sorority sisters/whatever along for the ride might relieve some of the anxiety you feel walking into a new studio for the first time. That's great, and really, the more the merrier... but if you aren't going to be able to practice without laughing/talking/making faces at each other in the mirror right behind me while I'm trying to hold standing bow for a full minute... you should probably split yourselves up. Not just for my sake (or to keep me from giving you death glares in the mirror), but for your own practice as well. You should be aware of nothing more in the class than you, and your yoga. (While it may seem contradictory for me to say this, as I have clearly noticed you and your actions, it is because your laughing/taking/whatever have broken my concentration and therefore made you the target of aforementioned death glares.)

4. Find out a little about your yoga before you enter the studio. Bikram, as well as Moksha, and a number of other practices are hot yogas. This means that you will probably be practicing in room that is specially heated to a higher-than-room-temperature. Bikram is usually around the 105-107 mark, while Moksha tends to be a little cooler, around 90-95 (at least, in my experience). This means that sweatpants/shirts are inappropriate and unless you have ice-blood in your veins, you're going to be uncomfortable. Dress appropriately and you'll have a more enjoyable experience.

5. Don't get discouraged if your first time seems more difficult than you expected. People (myself included) seem to go into yoga expecting it to be something it's not. I don't remember when I expected so many years ago when I first stepped into a yoga class, but I think it was more on the relaxed scale vs true exercise. Some yogas are more relaxation-oriented, while bikram is on the physically demanding side of things. Don't be afraid to try different styles, but give each style a good try. Go back a second, maybe even third time to make sure you didn't just have a bad day, or let your emotions or mental state get in your way. One day I'll have the greatest practice ever, the next I might hate myself for forcing myself to go.

I hope I haven't sounded too harsh. Yoga can be a powerful force in a person's life and your practice should make you happy and healthy! The rest of the "regulars" in the room are always thrilled to see a newbie who has that look of wonder and awe at the end of their first class and we all want you to become "one of us" (now that's chanting in my head...). Just make sure you allow yourself to get the most out of it by respecting the practice, your fellow yogis, and yourself.

Namaste!

Why bikram is right for me

A friend posted an article about how yoga can actually hurt you on facebook the other day and, while I couldn't read the whole thing (there's some pretty graphic details regarding injuries, which I just can't deal with) it made me reflect on how lucky I feel to have had the experiences I've had with bikram yoga.

I've tried other yogas in the past, both hot and not, and none have ever worked as well for me as bikram does. The biggest culprit for me is downward dog and the accompanying asanas, like the sun salutation, etc. My wrists were just not made to hold up my entire body weight, and they begin to hurt almost immediately. Almost every other yoga style I've tried has some variation on down dog, and therefore I'd go for a few weeks and then just give up.

I'm not going to tell you that bikram is right for everyone. But I don't want people to walk away from that article thinking that yoga is bad for you either. It, like many other forms of exercise, can be great, if practiced under knowledgeable instructors, and with a clear knowledge of your own abilities. I was very fortunate to be taught early in my bikram yoga practice by instructors who explained how important the dialogue is, as well as how important it is to know your own body. If you listen closely enough to the dialogue you will hear the teacher telling you just how to work on the yoga to the best of your own abilities. One of the most repeated phrases in the dialogue is lock the knee. (If you are still unsure as to what "lock the knee" means, click on the link there for a great article that explains how and why it's so important.) If you haven't locked the knee, you're not doing most postures at all. If you can't lock your knee, your body is telling you something... please listen before you do it harm! Don't just kick out in standing head to knee if your knee won't stay locked (something I've noticed people do all the time). I don't kick out very often and I've been practicing for almost 4 years. (I tore my left quad about 2 years ago and that leg just isn't that steady, still.)

Anyway, you don't have to listen to my diatribe, I'm not an instructor. But I promise, it's all there in the dialogue!

2012: day one

Back in the hot room after a long weekend and I was feeling more like this guy:

Image from Prozacville.

Than my usual yogic self. But I got through all the postures and it was definitely better than last week.

Here's hoping that tomorrow is even better!

Reflect/Resolve

It's been just over 2 months since I started getting back into bikram and I thought now would be a good time to reflect on how it's been going.

I did take about a week off over Christmas—there's no studio in my parents' town and between visits and dinners and everything I really just didn't have the time. So this week (Tuesday and today so far) has been a lot harder than usual. I sort of gave myself permission to take it easier-than-usual (if there is a way to take bikram "easy," aside from taking an hour & a half nap in a hot room) and I've been feeling like I'm coming down with a cold, so it's been a rough couple of classes. Hopefully tomorrow and next week will be easier.

Aside from forced breaks, I've gone to class 4-5 times per week every week since the end of October. Usually I feel good, before, during, and after class, and my body is noticeably more toned.

For 2012, my yoga resolution is to keep up a minimum of 4 classes per week. While I'm still working on the dissertation it should be easily doable. If I get full time work in the fall it might be a bit harder, but I'll reevaluate when that becomes an actual issue!!

weekend warriors

I tend not to go to yoga on the weekend often... I'm averaging 4-5 times a week now, so the weekend is a good time to break and get some stuff done. I know most people have the opposite schedule, though, where they are so busy during the week and the weekend is the only time they can get in. Doesn't really matter, as long as you're doing it at some point, right?

Anyway, this coming week I'll be heading home for the holidays, and there isn't a bikram studio in my hometown so I wanted to try and get in at least the once, today. I'll try to go to hot yoga (there are 2 moksha studios and a few other varieties of hot yoga, just no bikram) at least a couple of times, but there are definite differences.

If I don't post again before Christmas/New Year's, namaste and happy holidays!

getting back to it

Last week was a "light" bikram week for me... I was away, visiting my old town, where I'm still a student and have the occasional necessary meeting with my thesis advisor, etc. I did, fortunately, also get to visit my first bikram studio, Bikram Yoga Hampden. Unfortunately, I only got in twice, but luckily once was to take one of the final classes of the dancing J (final classes there, of course, she's moving on to another studio) as well as a class of one of the newest bikram graduates, who I knew as a fellow student at BYH. Both classes were awesome, in their own ways, I just wish I had had more time to get in and take even MORE classes!

Now I'm a little stiff and today will be my 3rd day back in a row to the studio here. Next week will be interrupted again as I go home to visit with family (yay!) but I'm hoping to get into the hot yoga studio there, which, while heated, isn't Bikram. But still good and good for me!

Double Duty

After 4 days off (for thanksgiving/christmas with the inlaws) I got back in the hot room today and did a double. That's right, 2 bikram classes, back to back (9am and noon). The first one was difficult because I was so stiff from 4 straight days of no class, and the second was also hard, but mostly because I was so exhausted, physically, from the first one. The first half of the second class was the hardest, once we were on the floor and into the home stretch it didn't seem so bad.

I'd write more but I kind of just want to nap right now...

Still at it!

Although I haven't found the time to post much lately, I'm keeping up with Bikram the best I can! I originally wanted to go 5 times a week but some weeks (like this one) it just isn't possible. Last week I made it to 4 classes (had to skip Friday to clean furiously before some guests arrived for the weekend) and this week I plan to do the same (I went to a Sunday night class, as well as Monday AM and will go later today as well as tomorrow morning...), all before the big Turkey day. We're traveling for Thanksgiving and won't be anywhere near a hot room, so I've got to get in as much as possible beforehand.

A couple of the regulars at the studio here were talking about doing a double on the Monday after thanksgiving and I'm thinking about joining in... it'll be my first ever double, so I'm excited but also a little apprehensive!!

Days Sixteen & Seventeen: Not-so-Fixed, Not-so-Firm

I'm really concentrating on my Fixed Firm posture these days... it took a very long time for me to be able to get all the way down onto the floor and now I'm trying to alleviate some of the compression and pain in my lower back when I do so. Any suggestions (except don't tell me to open my knees wider... they're pretty much at the max already!) would be greatly appreciated!